I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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