I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
