he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
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Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
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Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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