it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
