We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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