im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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