Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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