Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
