I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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