she looked like the before picture.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
