did you get engaged???
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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