at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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