it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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