this boner is exhausting
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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