do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
