Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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