Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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