fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
