it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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