please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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