dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
