Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
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He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
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I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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