He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
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