What a fucking waste of an outfit
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you win again, gameday.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
