there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
