Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
