shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
