i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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