mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
