Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
