He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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