is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
