So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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