After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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