Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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