She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
