I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
