R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm experimenting with sincerity
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
