If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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