I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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