remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
