i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
