I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
