Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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