I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
