Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
