It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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