You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
