I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
