You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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