It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
