my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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