Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
