that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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