I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize