How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
