ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
