You're so nebulous sometimes
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
