need another drink. this is the easiest way
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
