My first STD was from a foam party
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
