Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
