I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
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I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
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I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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