The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
