eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
