My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
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You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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