Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
